when the first transformers came out, EVERYONE tried to convince me to go see it. seriously everybody i speak to, except for katie, told me it was amazing and so entertaining and had stunning special effects. and i was like, you're all morons.
ok, maybe that's harsh, but how on earth are good special effects an important factor in judging a movie? anyhow, the movie looked like total trash. it looked like if i went, i'd be trying to stab my eyes out with my soda straw within 10 minutes of the movie starting. it looked like my idea of film hell. i can't even explain it really. the movie gave me a rage just looking at the previews and i couldn't fathom ever, EVER going to go see it and i couldn't fathom anyone ever enjoying it in the history of the universe. plus, shia leboeuf (or however the fuck you spell it)??? what a dork. NO!
so when i heard there was a transformers 2, i began bracing myself for another round of "no really, roseline, you have to go see it! i KNOW you don't like those kinds of movies but i promise this one is different! it's surprisingly good! you'll like it, i swear!" and who knows, that could still happen, but i've been relieved that the reviewers are finding this flick SO bad that they just sit there and openly mock it. mind you, i've never seen the first transformers (duh) and i won't be seeing the second one, but i really feel an almost scary hatred for the franchise (it represents all that is evil about the movie industry... which is an industry i don't particularly care about, but that is probably because of bullshit like transformers) and it makes me feel very satisfied to see these kinds of reviews.
like this
lol:
"LaBoeuf projects a pathetic, wall-eyed dorkhood, when he's not babbling like a tumor removed from Woody Allen's prostate that somehow achieved sentience."
oh, and:
"If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your eyes and use your imagination."
now maybe my friends and family can get on board and maybe they won't harass me about going to see it! YAY!
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5 comments:
Well, I liked the first movie. Was it a cinematic masterpiece? No, but it wasn't trying to be. Take it for the kind of movie it is. Of course, I used to watch the cartoon when I was a kid, so...this was like going to see X-Men or TMNT when it came out (not an option for me NOT to see it).
I respect everyone's opinion as to their choice regarding seeing or not seeing a particular movie.
and i'm much more judgmental. but you knew that ;)
you know what? no. judgmental sounds wrong because it implies that i think i'm superior or something. it's not that. i just can't disguise it when i hate something. i don't think less of anyone who likes shitty movies, that's fine. i like shitty movies too. it's just that the shittiness of transformers really pisses me off.
lol i LOVEEEEEE that thing about the pots and pans! it's funny because i while ago i went and saw star trek, and every movie preview was either about space or the end of the world or some combination of both. and ALL of them had choirs from hell! get a new movie score tactic people!! anyway, it just really cracked me up because it's exactly how i would have put it if i was a smart movie reviewer!
and i've never seen transformers 1 or the first one, or the previews, but at star trek i saw a preview for the second. top three annoying things about it:
1) the sexiest girl on the world on motorcycles being sexy.
ok. i get that megan fox is hot. great. however, i'm wondering how such contrived completely stereotypical hotness... like, how can people think that's sexy? don't they just see right through it?? i don't know, it just looks sooooo cheesy to me
2) shia leboooof: go back to disney, no one likes you or wants to think about your penis.
3) i had no idea it actually had to do with fast cars! wtf! this like quadruples the uncool factor of this movie. if you want to see sexy women and cars, why do you have to add alien space machines???
lol ok. i had no idea i had that much to say about transformers. i guess your post was inspirational!
"2) shia leboooof: go back to disney, no one likes you or wants to think about your penis."
looooooooooooooooool OMG YOU'RE RIGHT!!!!
also, i get that megan fox is hot but i don't get why i don't think she's hot. does that make sense? it could be the cheesiness of the roll you described, it could be that i'll hate anything even remotely attached to this shitty-ass movie, or it could be something about megan herself. she's hot but she seems really ... trashy? like she'd give you the clap. dunno.
ps- i love you because you understand me. THANKS!!! :D
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