perfection.

so i was debating whether to go to tonight's game against the blues. i went on ebay to see what was going on, and noticed some guy selling third row seats (on the side where the kings shoot twice, which is the desirable side) for 125 for the pair, buy it now or best offer. i offered 75, but he didn't want that. so i went back and checked a couple hours before the game, and he changed his tune. now the tickets were 80. so i decided it was worth it to be able to sit that close.

this game had everything! first of all, i want to sit there every game! i caught a practice puck... i've always wanted to get a puck but i'm always too far or behind the netting or something.


and alyssa milano was there. and some guy from nickelodeon... some show called drake and josh?

the one on the right:


never heard of him but there were these two little girls going apeshit.

the game itself was great. beyond lousy first period performance by the kings, and cloutier had to make some brilliant saves. then the second period they really turned it on and were perfect on the power play (2/2). scored 4 goals in i think about 5 minutes. yaaaaay. scott thornton and some other grandpa got into a fight. it was pretty tough for an old man fight. and refreshing to see someone besides ivanans getting into a scrap.

...what else.... some guy proposed to his girlfriend on the scoreboard in front of everyone... in my section. everything was in my section. SO tacky. i'd have said no and left. but she didn't. which is good for him, i suppose.

and alexander frolov got a hat trick. it was kind of weird because they had to review the goal and they started play before they announced the goal so there were hats flying onto the ice while play was going. i felt bad for fro because he didn't get his proper celebration.

would have been beyond perfection if they had the shut out, but alas the final score as 5-1. still, no complaints. glad i decided to go instead of staying home and cleaning.

tomorrow is the marilyn manson concert. i feel so silly admitting that i'm going but i don't care. twiggy's back, bitches!

ps- i just found myself on tv. i look really annoyed, and i was, because those kids in love with the nickelodeon guy wouldn't SHH!!!

yay!

i forgot i had that governor's scholarship thing from high school. so i sent in the redemption form. and now next quarter only costs 102.89! ...that's exciting. :)

maybe it's legitimately funny...

...or maybe it's 4 am delirium. who knows.








these probably won't be funny tomorrow. but right now i can't stop laughing.

haven't a clue what to do

this long weekend came and went, and i accomplished nothing. not for school, not personally. burnt out.

~~~
thanks, xavier, for the following survey.

1. What's on your mind?
next monday and how shallow i'm being


3. Where is your biological father right now?
in san diego, snoring quite loudly.

4. Have you ever made out in a basement?
i can't think of any time i've been in a basement. i've made out in a closet, is that close?


7. Is your driveway steep?
not really.

8. Name four things you did today?
1. took peekers to groomer
2. watched the kings be pathetic vs. the coyotes
3. got vegetables with curry at hanaoka with miguel
4. rode my bike

9. Have you ever been tied up?
yeah, for some game in elementary school.

10. Last person you texted?
probably noelle

11. Have you ever had two dates in one night?
yes. a few times, and it was a really weird situation. don't know what i was thinking.

12. What have you eaten today?
half an ice cream cone (miguel took my other half because he's mean), vegetables with curry and some tuna roll.

13. Are you an emotional person?
moody, but not emotional <~~~~~ same for me.

14. Which shoe do you put on first?
i don't really pay attention... but probably the right.

16. What is the status of you and the last person you kissed?
he's a mean ice cream stealer and therefore i hate him.

17. Do you get distracted easily?
no, i can remain very focused if i need to be.

18. What's the last text you received say?
hey are we going tomorrow or wednesday

20. Have you ever kissed anyone named Amanda?
can't say i have

21. If you had to choose to not ever wash your bed sheets again or not?
what? why would i choose that?

24. First time you kissed the last person you kissed?
three and a half years ago in my jacuzzi.

25. What was your childhood nickname?
rosie. rawza. ro-ro. petunia.

26. What would you change about your life right now?
financial situation.

27. How do you feel about public displays of affection?
they usually bug me.

28. What's the weirdest thing you have done while driving?
i don't really do a lot of weird stuff while driving. i pretty much try to concentrate on driving.

29. Have you ever bitten your nails?
not really a nail-biter

30. Do you live alone?
no, and i've absolutely been regretting that decision since i moved to LA.

32. Can you keep a secret?
yes, if i respect you and your secret.

33. What was the best year of your life?
senior year of high school was pretty great.

34. Do you have any strange phobias?
yes. don't like static noises or the emergency broadcast lady on tv or the operator or dark windows.

35. Your favorite romantic movie is?
i'm not so much a fan of romantic movies, but i like the notebook.

36. Are you happy with your living arrangements?
not particularly.

37. Have you ever played Twister?
who hasn't?

38. Have you ever been drunk at school?
maybe once

39. Last thing received in the mail?
bills and stuff

40. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with a B?
no

41. Ever have a sleepover with the opposite sex?
yes

42. Do you have trust issues?
i'm hesitant to trust people, but i don't think that's a bad thing.

43. Do you use smiley faces on the computer a lot?
in e-mails. don't know why i do it.

44. Do you tend to rip the paper off water bottles?
YES! i love to do that!

45. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
miguel

46. Are you a cuddler?
for a little while, i guess. i really need my space.

47. Have you ever hated someone, but ended up being friends with them?
toooootally.

48. What was the last advice you gave someone?
get your money back!

49. What was going through your mind during your last kiss?
why is this survey obsessed with kisses?

50. Have you ever hurt anyone when you were mad?
yes.

51. Is it easier to forgive or forget?
forget.

52. Do you give out second chances too easily?
i don't really come to those situations often. i don't know.

53. What is the most important thing in any relationship?
i really think it is trust.

54. Kiss with your eyes open or closed?
closed. open is creepy.

55. Do you have a best friend?
.

57. Do you trust people easily?
no

58. Would you live with someone without marrying them?
that's what i would prefer.

59. Ever had plans and broke them?
i'm bad about that...

61. Do you have a friend of the opposite sex that you talk to 24/7?
used to.

62. Do you remember what you were like a year ago?
i wasn't terribly different than now.

63. Have you ever had a dream about people you love dying?
yes, it's so scary!

64. Who was the last person you cried in front of?
ew, michael. yesterday. the first time he really sees me cry in all this time we've been together and it's over something so dumb.

65. Have you ever shaved in the kitchen sink?
no?

67. Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
yes

68. Who's the last person you had a sleep over with?
michael.

i'm rich

i have $5,323,023.00 dollars in neopets money. i wish these were real dollars, though. =/



i finally finished my paper that had been driving me nuts for a few days now. i'm not sure how it is, which really bugs me because it's about a topic i've been thinking about long before i took this class.

we watched "triumph of the will," and were asked to evaluate whether we would consider it a great film. i kind of went through this already in an academic setting four years ago with "birth of a nation." but it truly is one very confusing topic. how do you evaluate art? can you separate form from content?

i came up with three factors that contribute to your ultimate judgment:
1. how well you understand the medium
2. what the content actually is
3. just how good you deem the artwork to be, which is really the balancing act of the first two points.

i said that the more you understand a medium, the more likely you are to be able to appreciate a work solely for its technical merits. considering i know very little about early film making and i care very little about film making in general, i found it hard to appreciate "triumph of the will" for what leni riefenstahl was apparently able to achieve. i dunno, i can't tell. i just have to take your word for it.

second, i said there's this spectrum each person constructs in going through life every day, making compromises on things that offend you. there are things that are going to piss you off more than others, right? well, for me, hitler's pretty far to the right on that spectrum. a movie about how great he is pisses me off. had the movie been about a different controversial topic i feel less strongly about, i might have had a different opinion.

third, i thought the movie was boring as hell. i fell asleep. that can't speak well for it.

anyhow, i feel i broke it down well in my mind but i'm not sure how well i explained what i was thinking. we'll see.

what do you think, though? should art be evaluated based solely on what the artist did technically? or do you consider the content?

a personal day

in an effort to stop avoiding my own thoughts, and also to keep a record of everything i'm bound to forget, i've decided to begin blogging again. i was a dedicated livejournalist back in the day, before myspace came along and persuaded me to change over. it's too casual, though, and i felt i couldn't really get too honest on there. we'll see how i fare with this journal.

i did absolutely nothing today. i didn't go to school and i didn't go to work and i slept until 4 pm. well, choppily. i woke up with every intention of going about my usual business, but after about a minute of trying to physically get out of bed, i was greeted by a newly familiar sense of nervousness. for the past week or so, i've been getting these nervous fits that completely take over me. it's this that clenches my stomach and makes my chest hurt. i've felt it on the first day of school or when you know someone is about to give you some really bad news. it's been gripping me at these really random, completely unscary moments. on the way to the copy room or while watching a kings game or after just waking up. i don't know what the hell is bothering me, but it's beginning to become rather problematic because i can't concentrate on anything but the nervous feeling.

which isn't to say i don't have theories as to what is going on. actually, i probably have a lot to be nervous about. but none of it, individually, feels so...huge. it's all a matter of managing my time and whatnot. i wish i could hire a manager for my life who would schedule everything and boss me around and force me to do the things i need to do.

but that isn't what's freaking me out. money or graduation or papers... those things only superficially worry me because deep down i know i can handle all of it.

it's something else. i had this weird epiphany weekend before last, that i don't really feel like getting into. but now i know he knows something is up and i can't bring myself to honestly lay into him, so i avoid. i'm afraid of what will inevitably follow such a chat. not just an end, but reminders of everything else that has no end.

which makes me think about what i know i'm talking about, and how i know that i've never had a chance to talk about what i know i'm talking about because it makes everyone so fucking uncomfortable.

...but that isn't the whole of what's freaking me out.

and instead of sharing, revealing, having a "fierce conversation" as prof kelly would suggest, i retreat. and i've been zipping my lips constantly, consistently, to the point where the vast majority of what is relevant, or even interesting, takes place only inside my head where it can't be judged and where i can't be held accountable. i'm sick of fighting and disappointing and discovering how those closest to me really see me. so it's just... hush. just don't say anything at all. it's easier and perhaps i'm more likable that way.

two recent example come to mind. where i said what i was actually thinking. and both times i wish i had not said anything at all. and so did they. because i'm easier to deal with when i'm invisible. because the points i raise are too difficult or too obnoxious to even consider. "ca suffi, petit fille."

but this has been a slow change, this silence, and surely can't be the cause of me feeling nuts this past week.

4:22 am and i'm still awake. i really should go to bed, even though i know i'll just lie there worrying. i can't ditch my life again tomorrow. class and stuff, you know. i really wish i could just cuddle with peekers and be in a new phase of my life. something simpler. where all the present complications have been dealt with already.

bonne nuit.